Last week, my bottom jaw was bouncing off the floor as I witnessed the build-up to a Matric Dance where each new frill, bell and whistle was sought both individually and collectively to satisfy the ever-demanding image stakes. Eighteen year olds may not have first hand experience of the fragile relationship between budgets and bank balances or the consequences of its demise, as their have-to-haves swiftly turn parents’ pence into ex-pence.

That aside, their desperately slavish adherence to the dictates of fashion and status leads one to seriously question the strong need for approval, or in a notch up the same scale, praise, and loads of it. Appearance rules, and sadly, not just for eighteen year olds. The frenzied scramble to gain ticks in all the ‘right’ boxes under appearance leaves little room for the nurturing and expression of individual essence. Essence, what’s that?!!

Well, far from the ticks in prescribed boxes, essence is who you really are and it’s the only true guide to how you enjoy being; it’s what makes the unique you tick, and that’s the most important tick to consider. And if that unique essence is nurtured, allowed to flourish and encouraged to express itself, not only your appearance, but what you do for a living and every other area of your life will naturally reflect the true you and your own rhythmic tick. But fixating on appearance without awareness of individual essence is like trying to buy an outfit without ever having seen the body that will wear it. Real cart before the horse kind of stuff.

One way of re-tuning into your unique tick, is to immerse yourself in imagination in the complete absence of all forms of jury – that’s society and its screaming markets, peers and friends, parents and family. Now stay there while you imagine dressing yourself, decorating your home, working, or whatever else. Remember, no-one else is privy to this adventure. Invite all your senses to the exercise, let them play and notice how they respond. A broad smile or warm, fuzzy excitement is the kind of pointer to heed.

If actually living as the real you arouses the furies of the juries, ask yourself if reverting back to being a box ticker is worth compromising your truth?

No longer having to look outwardly to comparatively check your ratings, allows you to divert all your energy into stoking that inner flame into a bold fire which, in turn, inspires your true self-expression in all areas of life.