To get rid of anger we firstly have to look at the source of anger triggers.

Anger stems from fear. If this surprises you, ask yourself: why am I angry? Follow the answer with why does that matter and how does that make me feel? and continue with this process of questioning. With truthful self-questioning you will reach a central self-limiting belief. Self-limiting beliefs comprise thoughts that we have chosen to adopt and own for a number of reasons e.g. “I’m not worthy of respect”. But the self-limiting beliefs do not have to remain in permanent residency!

A generic answer to the elimination of anger is difficult as individuality tailors the route. However, Byron Katie’s site, The Work, (, has work sheets for self-questioning which, with practice, will serve to turn around old thought patterns and in turn return one to peace and an acceptance of reality.

If anger is triggered by a situation which is beyond our control, resisting the situation is a waste of energy. Yes, I know that’s easier said than done when the pattern of reactionary resistance is ingrained and become habitual. However, everything we do and say is preceded by choice.

Every time we choose to react in a volatile or withdrawn manner, we reinforce those neurological connections in our brain. It’s like a path in a sand road – every time you use it, it becomes deeper. The frequently proffered advice for releasing anger energy through punching a pillow or punch bag, while certainly better than punching your ‘opponent’, only serves to reinforce volatile reactionary behaviour. That is tantamount to exercising your anger muscle.

So how do we address this? Well the next time you feel those negative feelings arise, don’t resist them. Accept how you feel and allow the feelings to pass through you without reacting. If you allow them to flood you without resistance, it takes 90 seconds for them to leave you. Then you can begin questioning your thoughts.

Through the questioning process, issues will arise, for example, blaming others. Blaming others turns us into the victim with our power transferred to the other. With control issues, question whose business you are in. Is it really your business or have you leapt into someone else’s business? The only person you have control over, is yourself. If someone criticizes you, it’s his or her opinion, a thought, which you do not have to own. Thoughts are not reality.

When undesirable situations keep repeating themselves, it is time to examine what our inner self is trying to tease out of us through repetitive testing. A transaction couched in negativity will not produce a positive outcome. Energy follows attention and negative energy will keenly hone fault detection skills while blinding one to the positive. By drawing up a different list of what you appreciate daily, you will shift your focus to one of appreciation and gratitude, and tip the scales of perception in favour of joy.

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