When anger controls you
Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath. ~Eckhart Tolle
When anger controls us, we have given our power away and migrated to the victim camp which is a colony of the father state, Fear. Yet if we retrace the steps to just before the eruption, when we still had our power, we will see that we were the ones who chose to lose it.
Everything we do or say is preceded by choice.
So when you say “he makes me so angry”, you are in fact saying that he has power over you. That must be the case, if ‘he’ is capable of making you into anything. Even true happiness has to start from within you. Others may contribute to it, but that’s okay, unless you prefer the suffering route.
If the anger has already welled up, the often bandied about practice of deep breathing is an excellent exercise in which to allow yourself to reassess your choice and reintroduce a state of being closer to that of equilibrium.
Not erupting into an adult tantrum, does not in any way indicate that you approve of a situation but merely that you wish to retain your power, be fully present in your reasoning and closer to wisdom. The decisions that you make then, are far less likely to be ones that you will regret.
Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved. ~Marcus Antonius